Yo Ho Ho, Let’s Hoist a Zombie Pirate

Avast, ye scallywags; Sept. 19 is International Talk Like a Pirate Day! It all started with pair of landlubbers, one of whom got injured in a racquetball game and yelled out “ARRRR!” The two — Mark Summers (Cap’n Slappy) and John Baur (Ol’ Chumbucket) — took that inside joke, added some press attention and the power of the Internet, and created this swashbuckling international phenomenon.

It’s easy to be part of the fun. Call your friends “matey” and your rivals “scurvy dogs.” Don’t say “hi;” say “ahoy!” Don’t say “my;” say “me.” Anytime there’s an “R” sound in a word, emphasize it with that injury sound, ARRRR — such as, “Shiver me timbers! Me birdie putt lipped out; I’ll be settlin’ for pARRRR.” Tell really corny pirate jokes to keep the spirit sailing all day long, like these:

Q: Why can’t kids see pirate movies?
A: Because they’re rated ARRRR, matey.

Q: Where do pirates go for happy hour?
A: A sand BARRRR.

Q: Why did the pirate go on vacation?
A: He needed a little ARRRR and ARRRR.

If dialect jokes aren’t your thing, there’s another way to celebrate the day: enjoy a rum-based cocktail. Rum has always been part of pirate history, lore and storytelling. From smuggling to imbibing, rum is vital to the pirate lifestyle, even for a day. We can’t really endorse the smuggling and you probably don’t have a pirate ship handy anyway, but we can suggest a good rum drink:

Zombie Pirate

  • 1 ounce spiced rum
  • 1 ounce dark rum
  • 1 ounce coconut rum
  • 1 ounce apricot brandy
  • 1 ounce pineapple juice
  • 1 ounce papaya juice
  • Dash of grenadine

Put all ingredients in your favorite shaker, filled with ice. Shake well. Serve over ice in your favorite pirate tumbler. Garnish … sorry, gARRRRnish … with a slice of pineapple or orange and a cherry if desired. Batten down the hatches for a good time, me hearties — but enjoy responsibly, lest ye be shark bait.

— P.J. Butland